Stand Under to Understand

“Help me understand” is helpful everywhere!.

Cross-cultural

“Help me understand” is the key posture that enabled our Pastor Partnership to see African American and Anglo pastors develop close friendships of trust over more than a decade. “Help me understand” is both a humble and a courageous question. The question acknowledges that there is much that we don’t know, and invites others to reveal our blindspots. The question also requires courage, because it means we’re walking into sensitive topics where anything other than humble curiosity will likely fracture relationships instead of grow them.

Marriage and family

The closer we know someone, the easier it is to make assumptions based on past experiences. How often have you done that with your spouse (if you’re married) only to see what seemed to be a benign conversation blow up into heat-breathing conflict in a matter of seconds? As recently as yesterday for me… Whether our children are very young or we are parents/grandparents with young children of their own, “help me understand” can go a long way to toning down heated conversations. 

Congregation, small group, or organization

Here’s a conversation starter that can save you untold grief: “That thing you just said/did… that doesn’t seem like you. Can you help me understand what’s going on?” Even if whatever the offense might be happens to be habitual, giving someone the benefit of the doubt and a vote of confidence and affirmation can still set up a crucial conversation to be successful and fruitful. Oh, the times I saved myself massive embarrassment by leading with a question rather than an exhortation… How very often our not-so-great behaviors are rooted in some trial, stress, or pain that has nothing to do with the situation at hand.

Scripture and theology

My favorite and most helpful seminary professor taught New Testament, and his favorite phrase was, “If you want to understand Scripture, you have to be willing to stand under it.” Lord, help me understand what I just read! That’s a world of difference from standing over Scripture as if I’m the judge. I’m learning to go to the Lord in sincere prayer with passages I read that actually strike me as offensive. Back up… I’m learning to be honest in prayer instead of trying to look more spiritual than I am. Slightly worse than skipping over or just ignoring parts of the Bible, I can find myself undercutting the authority of Scripture and having the audacity to criticize the Word of God (whether in my heart or out loud is different only in degree in terms of utter spiritual rebellion). How much better to adopt a “help me understand, Holy Spirit” prayer posture. When I assume the goodness of God (always a safe assumption), and acknowledge that He’s far wiser than I am (so true as to be ridiculous to have to state), such a prayer has often led to brand new insights. And when it doesn’t, it leads me to greater humility, which is more valuable than more knowledge anyway. 

Have a “help me understand” day!